The past week or so, I have been remembering good/fun things I seemed to have forgotten. Things like walking barefoot through grass, even if it is wet with morning dew. Eating vegetables doesn't kill me and I actually LIKE some vegetables (corn, broccoli, tomatoes). And smells. The smell of Granny's house, clothes, closets. Best smell in the world. So, so comforting to me.
It's kind of funny (or pathetic), but I keep thinking I can kind her again. I go through her clothes and remember how they looked on her. I smell them (all of her clothes are clean). I sew on her sewing machine. I look at her pictures, sleep in her house but I just can't seem to find her. I just want to feel her with me again. Even if it's only for a minute. To be in her arms, patting my back and telling everything will be alright. But she's gone. She is not in her things, not at her gravestone. Gone.
No matter how many things you acquire in life, when you die, you're gone. So it doesn't matter how many "things" you acquire. You leave them all behind.
What you do leave behind is your imprint on those still living. Granny loved me. I know that and never doubted it. Ever. I guess we have all heard how people "live on" through loved ones left behind. That is so true. What she taught me by the way she lived her life has made me a better person. I went to church with Granny until I was twelve years old. Sunday morning, Sunday night off we went. I went, not because I it was exciting, but simply because she went and that is just what we did. I never knew any different. Now I go to church because of what I learned as a child. I serve in the children's department because of Granny. Through her I learned that teaching a child about God is one of the most important things you will ever do. It may take time, but eventually everyone needs God. Those that learned about him as young children already know where to go. There is no greater gift than God's love.
Her influence in this world was great. She touched many, many lives. A life of service to God and others. That's what filled her life. And that's what I try to fill mine with. If she is looking down from Heaven (I'm not sure if you really want to see the earth after being in God's presence), I just want her to know that she is living on through me. I am not nearly as good as she was at serving others but she was an angel sent to earth so we can all get a glimpse of what Heaven will be like.
I miss her. I really, really do. But her life lives on.
