Shopping Bag

Here is a finished sewing project by ME!!!!! It is a reusable shopping bag. And, I actually used it last night at Publix. Yeah!!!! I think I talked about this in my last post. Fabric is from Sam's 2009 Halloween costume that was replaced by a Walgreen's cheapy costume. I used the tutorial from here. Will definitely make more of these.

I am currently working on a messenger bag from Amy Butler. I am using an army green twill for the exterior and a coordinating stripe for the interior. Instead of cutting out the pattern, I just measured the pieces (they are all rectangular) and used my rotary cutter and ruler to cut them out. It is a very good idea to use tape (masking/paper) and mark the pieces w/the name of the piece. I think it would also be very beneficial to mark the top of the pattern. It seems on a couple of pieces, I turned my fabric pieces sideways and now am having trouble matching everything up. For instance, the top flap doesn't run all the way across the top. I think it will look okay since the lining will finish the top of the bag. At least I hope so. There are a lot of pieces to this bag, especially when you throw in the lining pieces. Just go slow and read the directions very carefully (directions, what are those.....oh, you mean that piece of paper with the words & diagrams on it....hmmm, I think I was using that as a coaster for my drink).

And for those of you who never ask, Kitty is fine. He was exercising just last night, like 10pm. Running up and down the hall, yowling like his tail was on fire and jumping on the bed where I was TRYING to go to sleep. He never does this during the day, only at night. He sleeps all day. I guess he needs to save his energy for those nocturnal aerobic exercises. Thanks, Jane Fonda. No more Netflix for Kitty.

Now on a philosophical note, I was watching a make-over show several weeks ago. the snotty hosts (who a thin, have stylists and know only the best plastic surgeons) asked the make-over victim when was the last time she felt beautiful. Never, was her answer. I have been pondering this question myself (along with maybe I should cancel satellite TV and do something productive like smoking crack). I can't remember a time when I ever felt beautiful. When I was in my 20's and not nearly as fat as I am today, I felt attractive, sometimes. Not usually but occasionally. I equate beauty with thinness. But it really isn't. I know thin people who are not beautiful. I sure everyone does. I also know people who are not thin who ARE beautiful. And, as I've gotten older, I find myself drawn to people who are "beautiful" on the inside. I don't mean to sound cliche, but "not nice" people just turn me off. I don't want to waste my time or energy on people like that. I also think that I don't see the outside as much as I do the personality of the person. I can't tell you what color their eyes are (I have to make myself look at someone's eyes and even then I look but don't see....I prefer to look at their nose or teeth or chin...somewhere on the face so hopefully they don't notice that I am not looking where I am supposed to be), but I can tell you what kind of person they are. I can tell you if they are soft and warm or hard and driven (not a bad thing at all).

I remember standing in bars when I was younger and watching people. I always felt different because I thought they were beautiful and thin and I wasn't. Men rarely hit on me (close to or after last call and/or having a BAC above .10 doesn't really count since desperation and alcohol both lower a person's inhibitions). On the rare occasions when they did, I didn't know what to do. Flirting, like what is that?????? I always managed to steer them into a conversation about current events. Nothing sexy. Nothing to say I'm available. Because, I really wasn't. I couldn't stand the thought, and still can't, of being physically touched by a stranger (my definition is "stranger" is a bit on the lax side but I did/do have a standard). I've never been raped, wasn't molested but I don't want people I don't know touching me....especially males (Kiefer Sutherland so doesn't count. I have seen him in his skivvies and tried to see more but the camera angle just wasn't right. Damn cameraman!!!!!!!).

Back to my original question. Have you ever felt beautiful? When my cousin, Erin, got married, I thought (and still do) that she was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. She GLOWED!!!!! And the fact that she has a smile better than Julia Roberts doesn't hurt either. And she is STILL beautiful. Just ask her boys (assuming their voices haven't gone to the airport which I don't think voices do, just kisses and smooches). I want to feel that way. But I just don't know how.

And now, even if lost enough weight to consider myself not fat, HELLO, I'm aging. I am obsessed about NOT aging. I have tons of anti-aging creams/cleansers/foundation/concealer. I see every little grey hair/root. I am trying to wait until the four week mark to go back to stylist to have my roots and highlights re-done. I see the grey after, like, two weeks. I used to go six to eight weeks. But now I am noticing it more. I don't think it is coming in any faster. And I think I am going bald. I swear I used to have more hair in the front. Really.

I know I just need to come to grips and love myself as I am. Faults make me unique and quirky. And, I do like myself sometimes (not when I looking for lost items...that seems to happen a lot to me...except for the wrinkles and pounds....those not so easy to lose). I don't want to be vain but apparently, I am. And I hate that. I don't hold other people to the standard I hold myself to. I never have. I cut others some slack (surprise to all those former co-workers, that WAS slack). But not me. I guess I will work on that too.